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climbthehill

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May. 13th, 2009 | 10:21 pm

Oh god, not this again. (see: comments)



Look.

The console war is over. If you weren't paying attention, blu-ray won the format war. Otherwise, most of us who were watching came to the conclusion that, and I hate to burst your bubble: everybody is getting fucked in the ass this generation, regardless of what console you own.

Xbox 360 is plagued by faulty hardware.

Playstation 3 has a pitiful library of exclusive games and less than desirable online performance.

Wii has an even worse library of exclusive games (sadly, the non-exclusives are largely inferior versions of PS3/360 games), has worse online performance and the diabolically bad friend code system to wade through just to play with friends. Not to mention the mountains of shovelware.

Nobody is winning. Every time I hear someone say they "don't want [insert PS3/360/Wii exclusive here] to be on [other console here]", my skin crawls and my eyes burn crimson with the flames of the devil himself.

Look.

It doesn't matter. You know what would happen if Halo 3 was ported to PS3? I know it couldn't happen, because Microsoft owns the Halo brand, but really? Nothing. Nothing would happen. Bungie and Sony would make more money. Microsoft wouldn't lose anything; I know what you're thinking, but the game has been out for almost two years for the 360, they've sold enough god damn copies of the game, shut up.


This image has about as much to do with this post as console-exclusive games going multi-platform does to a negative impact on sales


If you somehow consider it "betrayal," please chug a full glass of bleach, right now. You are the problem.

Look.

If you're one of those fucksticks who cried and cried and cried about FFXIII coming to 360 because Square-Enix was somehow "betraying Sony," please tell me all about how Nintendo and N64 owners felt when Square abandoned them for Sony and their CD ROMs. I can only assume you call it "betrayal" when it's convenient for you and selectively ignore it when it's not. That's what I thought. Sit down, shut the fuck up and eat your cotton candy, short bus.

The worst part about people forgetting about this is that FFVII wouldn't have revolutionized JRPGs the way it did if it was on the N64. This is where some 30 year-old balding loser tugs on my shirt and says "BUT JIBRIL, FFVII IS OVER-RATED AND IT RUINED RAWL PLAYIN GAEMS."

Look.

Shut up. Without FFVII, JRPGs would never get published in America or Europe or anywhere but Japan anymore. Whether or not you like the game is largely irrelevant; it's not the quality of the game, it's the fact that it showed everyone how well JRPGs could sell in the western market.

There is no such thing as a game development company betraying a publisher, or a console. It's physically impossible for them to betray a fan base, even, because they didn't sign up for your loyalty. All they want is your money, stupid. It has always been that way, and it will always be that way. You can't go into game development with the attitude that you're going to create some kind of indie masterpiece that's just for the hardcore gamers and expect to get published. If you do, you can't expect to be making more games after that, because you almost certainly will not turn a profit and publishers will avoid your shit like Mark McGwire avoids talking about steroids.

Look.

It has always been this way, but it has become more blatant in recent years. You can blame Nintendo for this; for turning gaming into a mainstream thing. Isn't this what we always wanted, though? I despise the label of "hardcore gamer," but I probably am one, even if I hate it like Ian MacKaye hated to be called "emo." As a reluctant "hardcore gamer," I've always harbored sentiments like "I wish games were appreciated more." Well, now they are.

If you ask anyone who knows anything about music, they will tell you that none of the good stuff is in the "mainstream," regardless of which genre you're looking for. Games are getting there. You have to realize that the "hardcore" demographic is now a fairly small percentage of the whole picture. You know all the horrible shovelware on Wii that you chuckle at as you walk through your local game store? That's Nickelback, and Britney Spears, and Rhianna, and T-Pain. People eat that shit up; it's what grandmothers who have no idea what their grandkids want buy for them.

No, seriously. Equivalency. Killzone, Halo, Call of Duty? Slayer, In Flames, a million other meat head metal offshoot bands. The quasi-underground-but-not-really metal laced with instant gratification that everyone name drops when trying to bump their indie cred, and all the real mother fuckers laugh them out the door.

I've been quoted comparing Final Fantasy to Radiohead, and it's still perfect: in both cases, people love to comment on how they "used to be awesome" and then pinpoint the exact spot where it all "went to hell" -- FFVII and Kid A, respectively -- but open-minded people find amazing experiences in the works beyond.

Of course, it's still hard to compare the two in other ways, for the simple fact that a random person can't download a program, spend a couple weeks learning how to use it, then make a video game in a couple months. With music, you can do that. It goes without saying that games take far more effort, skills and time to create, especially considering the average music album is anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour long, and the shortest video games will give you upwards of 10 hours of play time -- the longer adventures shooting all the way up to over 100. I'm not going to tell you that video games are exactly like music; they're vastly different in nature. I shouldn't have to explain why. They are, however, becoming very similar in the aforementioned way.

I could go on, but you get the point: by lifting gaming up, this is what we've been reduced to. I'm cringing at my own pretense here; I find it disgusting to make these comparisons because it feels so god damn wrong. This isn't what we're supposed to be doing. This isn't what I'm supposed to write about. This is supposed to be what we wanted. I guess it's the circumstance that makes it so bitter: I always envisioned gaming becoming more exposed and people learning to understand it. Instead, gaming has changed in a way that gets everyone's attention. You know what that means: dumb it down, simplify, make it as unintellectual as possible.

So, look.

Every time you lose a game of Madden, call the other player a "cheap faggot" and throw your controller across the room, you're contributing to this. Every time you post on Gamespot kicking and screaming about your console being "betrayed," you're contributing to this. Stop it. If you assholes are so insistent on painting yourselves with the "hardcore gamer" label, do you really need to be at each other's throats like this? You're in the minority here, folks. Maybe you should do something positive instead of doing your best to alienate everyone who owns a console you don't have. If you don't want 80% of the next generation's library to be "Bratz Get Knocked Up on Prom Night," you'd better shape the fuck up and stop being a bunch of fucking babies.


lol u cant fit mgs4 on dvd guys


If you love MGS4 and your dusty ass PS3 so much, and Kojima decides to port it to the broke ass 360, this is how you react.

"Oh, cool, I'm glad Xbox 360 players will get to play one of my favorite games. I hope they appreciate it as much as I did. I'm curious as to how they'll overcome the storage issues, but if they can do it with FFXIII, I'd think they could do it with MGS4."

Anything else is wrong. Stop.

War's over. You lost.

-Jibril | blogspot

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Comments {6}

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from: devalaous
date: May. 14th, 2009 08:10 am (UTC)
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I found this entry incredibly entertaining. I can just imagine the target audience with teary eyes, pointing fingers, going "BUT BUT BUT!"

Ive never felt any loyalty to a certain console. Hell I didnt even blink when Sonic appeared on a Nintendo console.

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Rhody Tobin

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from: roto13
date: May. 14th, 2009 06:45 pm (UTC)
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Console exclusives are very, very important to competition. With the PS3 in third place right now, it needs more exclusives than it has to keep Microsoft from getting lazy.

And the Wii is unquestionably winning the console war this generation.

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Rhody Tobin

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from: roto13
date: May. 14th, 2009 08:38 pm (UTC)
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Most people who care do so because the sales of a console have a huge impact on what games end up on it.

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Rhody Tobin

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from: roto13
date: May. 14th, 2009 08:45 pm (UTC)
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That's because nobody thought it was going to be so successful. With Monster Hunter 3 and Dragon Quest X, the two biggest JRPGs, coming to the Wii, it's only a matter of time before the Wii is the JRPG console of choice. Capcom has a ton of Wii games in the works, EA (the second biggest video game company in the world, behind Activision/Blizzard) has announced that they're shifting half of their focus to the Wii. This is all because the Wii is the highest selling console on the market. Developers can't ignore that.

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Rhody Tobin

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from: roto13
date: May. 14th, 2009 08:53 pm (UTC)
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People will buy Wiis for Dragon Quest X. It's the biggest JRPG in the world, by far. And if it's proven that there's a massive JRPG audience on the Wii (which there definitely will be), that's where the other JRPGs will go.

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Zana

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from: ze_zana
date: May. 18th, 2009 01:21 am (UTC)
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You know, when these next-gen consoles first came out, I was upset because I thought I wouldn't be able to afford them all and I would be missing out on all the new, great gaming experiences for a while. Now I actually can afford any one of them, but I no longer have the desire to do so. My brother brought his 360 over for a while, so I played Portal and Oblivion, the only two games for it that really appealed to me (and the latter got old really fast); there are a few games currently for the Wii that I might enjoy, like Brawl, but not enough for me to want to buy the console for, especially since I was able to get Twilight Princess for the Gamecube; as for the PS3, I guess I'm still waiting. I'm sure my brother will get FFXIII for his 360, so I can always mooch it off him.
I'm still playing on my PS2 and DS the most. If I had to pick a side, it would be the DS, but there still some games for the PSP that I'd like to have too. The PSP might have better graphics, I don't really know for sure, but otherwise wouldn't most the hand-held games be compatible for both systems?

I don't really get the whole console wars thing: they all have their pros and cons, and they could stand to have a few more pros.

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